Simple Things: On Loving and Keep On Loving

a reminder for you to pause, breathe, and remember all the (not-so) simple things. please read with a light heart and a cup of coffee
There's a saying that "You become an adult when you forgive your parents for loving you the way they did rather than the way you want them to."

I wish there was a handbook on how to love your parents properly. The actual correct way. Will there ever be? Is there ever any?

We love our parents in the way we want to. By kissing them in the morning before school or work. By endless and relentless or sometimes careless texts and phonecalls. By telling them you're having cold and wishing they were here to take care of us. By constant worry when you're living far from them, wondering if they're alright. By staying up late waiting for them to come home from work, along with tea and warm bath. By eating the meal they cooked until none left on the plate despite you're angry because they misplaced your favorite sock. By going to their graves every month or on their birthday. By keeping them in your prayers every night.

Maybe there will never be a correct way. So just love them. Love until there's no love to give. Love them while they're here. Love them when they're not here anymore.

Your love and compassion will get through somehow.

*picture courtesy of negativespace



a.k.a life lately and some more jumble of words
// eversince my birthday, i found myself spending more time with family. texting and calling dad more often. hanging out more with brother. it's good. eventhough i always feel the same heavy pang, i felt more at ease because they've been showing tremendous love and support as if sensing i'm being very uneasy with everything at the moment. i'm grateful for that.

// my dad still thinks that i'm 24. silly old man haha

// i have zero motivation to take any photos lately. not even selfie. why is this even happening?

// i need your help! so recently i'm doing a massive make-up cleaning and that left myself with close to nothing aside of daily bb cream, pressed powder, lipsticks, two concealers and one orange corrector. which thing i should buy to re-curate my make-up arsenal? gimme all the suggestions because i'm really a noob at this shit *cries* foundation? contour palette?

// the clusterfuck that is cheese in the trap drama!!! i can't emphasize the utter disappointment i have for it. everything just went downhill after such great early episodes. when i write this post i haven't watch the last two episodes and after reading the comments of people who watched, i don't have any plan to. #justiceforparkhaejin #justiceforjungseol so i'm saving my time until descendants of the sun and come back mister finished. judging from the first episodes they look promising though.

and for people who haven't read the webtoon, fucking read it. now.

// watched deadpool and zootopia! both have been super fun and enjoyable. can't wait for kung-fu panda 3 and batman v superman: dawn of justice! speaking of dc, i've been working on some direct-to-video animation film of dc superheroes and it reminds me why i actually dig their works so bad. twists everywhere and they're just as dark as my soul a.k.a lovelovelove em all. and this particular one have been such a highlight.

other things:
worth the read if you're just as crazy as japanese street fashion as i am. and i just found out some of my favorite stores already closed. so sad. and i haven't been to tokyo to see them before closed :(
i!! want!! everything!!
different kind of selfie (plus tips)
my desire to travel to iceland heightened after reading this and this post
stephanie's own label kestan is open for pre-order and you can win a piece of those fine fine jewelries here so go!!!!
"before committing suicide, i sent a message to my mom."
there's never enough time

there'll be full solar eclipse on wednesday. fingers crossed i can wake up early to catch that. it's also nyepi day (day of silence/isakawarsa) so it's a holiday here! yay for a day off!

wishing your march is full of amazingness in everything!



on being a year older
it was days before my birthday. i wept hard, thinking i failed my dad and late mom as a good daughter, and my brother for not being such unstable-non-dependable sister, and myself for not being able to fulfill my dreams and hopes and goals. i wept again, repeating strings of "i'm sorry" until i fell asleep and my eyes are swollen the next morning.

it was weeks before my birthday. i looked at myself in the mirror and thinking of how skinny i am. how horrible my uneven skintone was. all of my scars. but then i settled to just wash my hair and put some makeup on so that i'd feel better. it did. but i still feel empty.

it was days before my birthday. i was thinking to get a cake. maybe with beer. maybe installing tinder to find any available hunk nearby. to assure that i won't spend my birthday night alone. but then my brother called and i remember to buy him burgers. at least i know who i will spend my birthday night with.

it's hours before my birthday. i'm still working. typing subtitles while thinking over the now half-empty room. my workmates have gone to better places with better salary. why am i still here? i thought to myself. it's because you haven't got your undergraduate degree. who would want a short, non-attractive girl with high school degree? i agreed. but then making mental note to work harder and get more money so i can go to college again. at least i work in job that i actually love and enjoy (no matter how shitty it can be).

it's minutes before my birthday. i'm thinking and jotting down my life goals for a better 27 year old me. i was thinking to save up and travel around the world. or be an in-house translator. i don't know. i'm writing every single goals i can think of. trying to be positive. the least i can do is to start this year in better mood.

it's my birthday. february 16th. officially 27 years old.

27. bitter. lost. lonely. hopeful.

and things are only going to be better from now on.