Stop Asking When Will I Get Married, Dammit


Photo by Ishan @seefromthesky. Taken from
Photo by Ishan @seefromthesky. Taken from

I lost count how many strangers asked me the same thing.

When will you get married?
Don't you want to get married?
Are you not interested in marriage?

Apparently being 28 and not having a spouse is considered freak of nature these days.

When will you get married?

When me and my spouse to be is ready. Financially, emotionally, physically, etc. Marriage is not only a conjunction of two people. It's also a merge of two families, two worlds, two differences (with all of their branches). In short, it's a joint business. A long-term one. It's not to be taken lightly. Moreover, we will have a legacy in form of children and values which will span for generations. It's a long-term investment that needs an elaborate planning and willing partner to work things out when the storm hits. I cannot stress enough: LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH. We can't just sell our love to eat, to pay the bills, to put our children to school. It's an important glue, yes. But not the only material needed.

People failed to understand marriage beyond the will to live and cohabitate together.

Don't you want to get married?

HECK YES, I DO. I dreamt of having a spouse I can banter and broaden myself with. To rise and fall together. To learn and be better together. A spouse who will treat me equal as I treated him as my king. He will reign over me with understanding as I will reign over him with understanding. And all of our steps and doings are based on trust, that we will have each other's back, without being afraid the other would judge us. Fully realize each other's worth and raise each other's value to be us together or apart. A spouse in which I can fell into comfortable silence together, and scream at the top of our lungs with.

Not just for sex. Never for sex. It's a huge plus, but it never makes up for everything.

Are you not interested in marriage?

You mean the wedding? The huge party wedding in which I invite people who barely care enough about me just to boast "Hey, I finally get married! Single no more!" Yeah, I'm not interested in that.

The marriage in which it became the talk of everyone in which our steps are under close scrutiny of society along with strings of questions "When will you have kids?" "Do you have a home yet?" "You're still living with your family?"? No. Definitely not interested.

See, there lies the problem.

Marriage is a personal, sacred thing of choice in which society managed to ruin it in 140 characters or less. "You just don't have guts to get settled." Probably. Maybe. But then again I am a woman who will be at loss in everything. Once I'm married, I no longer have a full choice in everything. I'm my spouse's. I have to ask for his consent to take a milestone. I'm also my spouse's family's, in which any steps I'll take I will have to represent two families, mine and his. The freedom is limited. I fully understand that.

And yet, I'm open for possibilities.

If someone is willing to spend the rest of his life by my side, in my care, and I'm vice versa, why not? A male who offered possibilities yet settlement, but also a chance to grow together with the second opinion at speed dial, why the heck not?

Who doesn't want to be in such sure and secure position?

So for now, I'm going to go back to work. Maybe go to the cinema later on. And get myself fully loaded on kachings and experience as long as I have time. All the time.

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