On Highs and Lows

4/28/17

Photo by Green Chameleon. Taken from Unsplash.com
Photo by Green Chameleon. Taken from Unsplash.com

It just felt silly.

One day I woke up with a realization that maybe being so honest about my days wasn't a good idea. Despite me trying to limit everything I shared here, I still feel like I let the readers know a little too much. What if my true intention of sharing never really transmitted well? What if some people I knew actually laugh seeing my misfortunes?

And everything scares me.

My sole purpose of having this blog is a place to write things freely. Things I couldn't really speak well in real life because my brain misfired and my lips gave up halfway, things I couldn't tell people because no one stood long enough to listen, things I can freely give opinion about because I have zero people to share with, things I know I'll have another perspective to see if I write them in this space...

But some things scared me.

I hate to imagine some people in the net laughing over my misfortunes. Just like some people in real life do. Never take my problems seriously and tell "Get over it!" on first glance. That my views and beliefs are silly. That my life is silly. That I'm a disgusting whiner. That my posts made people think I'm a pathetic girl going about her equally pathetic day. That the little things I found lovely and made me happy are seen as ridiculous and reduced to nothing just because some people can't see how they made my day, how they made my week. And I can't bear to think that among those who think so, are people who I thought as my friend. Dearest friends. Let alone acquaintances that I hate or old friends who gave zero shit about me and coming to this blog just to have a laugh fest over my life.

Also, I realized that sharing my lows and misfortunes are getting whiney. Despite some people appreciate my effort to be honest, I feel like I'm transferring my pain to you, who read it. And I feel so rude. As if I dumped my waste in front of your house when the truth is I'm parading around town with my waste and I don't know which one is more disgusting. And I'm hating myself for that.

I'm sorry.

Really sorry.

This post may sound like self-pity for some. Maybe a start of a spiral of destruction for others. But perhaps all I really want is some closure for my fragile, sensitive self. An explanation or some sort for others who have been a reader of this blog and saw me through all the highs and lows and supported me for being true to myself and owning my day.

You don't know how much your messages have encouraged me. A lot. So thank you. So much. So much.

Not that I will stop being honest about my days or sharing what currently bugged me the most. I will never stop being a candid, honest person that I am. I'm just going to be more over-selective about what I share in this space and tell them in a much better, more eloquent way. In a way that least depressing to others.

With this, Highs and Lows is put on indefinite hiatus. But feel free to check out the past entries here.

Thank you for reading.

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