A Ramadan Endnote

23.6.17

Photo by Lillian Soup. Taken from Unsplash.com
Photo by Lillian Soup. Taken from Unsplash.com




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Ramadan is a month of more. More time for Him. More time to pray. More time for family. More time for others. More time for the unfortunates. More time for ourselves. More time to remember things. More time to forget things. Quieter. More tolerance. More food. More blessings. More loving. More sharing.

Ramadan is a month of less. Less time to sleep. Less time to eat. Less concentration. Less awake. Less emotion. Less grudge. Less spending. Less extravagant. Less noise. Less intolerance.

Ramadan is a month of blessings. More focused working hours due to no break. Coming home early. The array of various snacks, some sold annually, here and there. Warm food for iftar. Small bites and water running down the throat after a day full of fasting. Incredible. Marvelous. Thankful.

Ramadan is a month of struggle. Of trying to wake up early enough. Bleary-eyed, uncoordinated, incoherent. Trying to stuff as many foods as possible. No coffee for a month. Dragging self to work two hours early. Struggling to stay awake once the clock hits noon. Still falling asleep. Too lazy to do everything. Trying to hold up the emotions. Good emotions. Bad emotions. No gossip for a month. No dirty thoughts. No cursing in the head. Nothing should be too much. Taking longer and deeper breaths. Hard. Little sufferings. Torture.

Ramadan is a month of respect. Respect ourselves who fast. Respect others who fast. Respect others who not fast. Respect the body. Respect the soul. By being mindful of what we eat, what we drink, what we say, what we see. Respect. Mindful. Because fasting is what we give and give. Never what we take and take.

Ramadan is a month of wake up call. To stay quiet and focused. Don't let anything ruin your fast. To constantly be thankful for everything. To constantly be grateful for everything. To take things slower. To do things more efficiently. To never let little inconvenience disturb you. Zen. Calm. To not eat too much more than what you can take. To eat mindfully. To eat healthily. To eat accordingly. To sleep early for even earlier suhur. Alert. Awake.

Ramadan is a month of regret. Regret for eating too much while another sister is in hunger. Regret for eating more than my tummy can take. The regret of throwing rotten leftover food left for the sake of "I'll eat it later!". Oh, who am I lying to? Regret for saying bad things that disturb my fasting. Regret because unable to withhold my emotions. The regret of awake for too long. Regret for falling asleep for too long. Shameful. Why, self?

Ramadan is a month of sharing. With the unfortunates. With the close ones. With the loved ones. Making sure no one lacks food albeit not much. Making sure no one sleeps in hunger. Making sure everyone who fast could break it conveniently. Share the food. Share the joy. Share the love. Share the blessings.

Ramadan is a month of getting closer. To God. To loved ones. To close ones. To the old friends. To new friends. To those people we rarely contact with. Gather together. Iftar together. Bonding over food and desserts. Endless chat and laughter after. Praying together. Catch up and share goals with each other. Togetherness. Gather. As if time never truly passed.

Ramadan is bittersweet. A month of mixed up feelings. I am grateful to be able to experience another Ramadan with loved ones this year, but also bitter because it's not the same because some of them are gone and away. I am grateful for having able to experience Ramadan but also bitter because I let my emotions overcome when I should've done better. How good was I? Have I become a better person as Ramadhan ends? Will I have the privilege of having it again next year? Who am I going to experience it with? Will I be able to do it better?

Goodbye, Ramadan. You were amazing. I'm sorry I couldn't make use much of you. Hoping to meet you again.


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