April Showers

April made me realize I am drained and bummed out. It feels wrong to make work as my sole escapade from the dread I am feeling about myself and my life. I want to get excited about life again. Really excited about doing something, looking forward to certain events... How was it feel like? It was an endless maze of searching for that fun in life and honestly, I didn't feel like myself for the whole month. Do you ever feel something similar? It sucks.

But thankfully, I didn't dwell much as I tried to keep myself busy by watching new movie releases in the cinema. Started the month with Shazam!, which surprisingly, very fun and entertaining. Where has this DC been? A bit shame that it wasn't released as a Christmas movie. It would've been a blast. Zachary Levi was awesome without being creepy and the kids are amazing. It's like a superhero version of Shoplifters and I am so here for it.

I also managed to watch Ave Maryam. An Indonesian movie focused on a nun's struggle on faith and love. Had it been some cut off scenes are intact it would've been awesome. Guess it's still a sensitive issue in this day and age. I love some of the dialogues especially the one that challenges my relationship with my creator. It's nice. Really nice.

And of course, Avengers: Endgame. The accumulation of 11 years of MCU ended too nicely with a movie so ambitious, so glorious, yet so fulfilling. I watched it twice, one on IMAX and it gets better in each viewing. I love how the movie took time to be more personal given the duration yet none of it seems forced and dull. I know some people pissed about the ending of a certain character, me too. But I think if I have to degrade the whole movie, which is monumental to me, just because I dislike that part, it would be unfair.

Thor's arc really hit too close to home for me. Beyond all those melted butter alcoholic look, there lies a warrior, broken with PTSD, ridden by anger and guilt. He cries, he's in his most vulnerable state and went full-on denial about it. Too familiar, huh? I teared up when he called Mjolnir and it came to him. He's still worthy. His expression was so priceless. Worthy.

Sometimes we forgot despite how bruised and battered we feel, how 9/10 times in a day you don't feel like yourself, how depressed and anxious you are, that you are still you. Nothing changes who you are. And no one, including yourself, can make you feel invalidated of that. I hope more people see his arc as beyond fat and cute. That he has a bigger message to everyone.

Please spare yourself some time and read this review. It captured my whole feelings for his arc perfectly.

Enough with the emo. I managed to try two foundation samples this month: Lancome Teint Idole Foundation and Estee Lauder Doublewear Stay-in-Place Foundation. Too bad the Estee Lauder one is too light for my skintone. But I really like the Lancome one! The finish is semi-matte yet comfortable for my dry skin. And actually stayed all day. Might invest in full sized one in the future!

Also, I managed to squeeze a mini trip to Jogja after three years. Vacation which felt more like a staycation. I did pretty much nothing aside of eating and coffee-hopping yet my heart felt full and my body felt recharged. All is well. Full post on it soon!

And to keep you up to speed: new layout because I think it's time for a change. Still tweaking here and there. Very sleepy due to Ramadan, thus belated monthly update. Still trying to survive without coffee (10 days and counting). Going to catch up on John Wick 3. How's your April been? I hope the universe has been nothing but gentle to you!

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A Wordsmith.